BEFORE DAYBREAK

Before daybreakI will be gone...
Before the dust settles
And memories of me fades away
Before you are ready to let go
I will be gone

Don't cry for me
I am not yours to keep
Letting go
Is life’s constant that no one can escape
Your love will not last forever
That's only a story we are told
A fairytale...

Take me right now
While I lay wanton and wanting in your arms
While your scent still perfumes my flesh
The taste of you lingers on my lips
And my cunt overflows with desire

This moment is all I have to give you
Kiss me like I’m the fading embers of bliss
Fuck me like I'm the last taste of pleasure
Explore me like I‘m the last touch...

Before daybreak
I will be gone.

LOVE IS FICKLE

There was a time when I felt I loved my now ex-husband.

I would've torn apart any woman dare who threaten my happiness. I hated his ex-girlfriends for the moments they had with him. I wanted everything from him. Everything. Every drop of blood, every heartbeat, every thrust he'd ever taken and will ever take. I was young. I didn’t know that one day I would stand poise and ready to sell him for pennies. Here I am sixteen years later, and I don’t even remember loving him.

I felt that I loved CX too. When I found out that he cheated on me and was plotting to kill me, I suffered unimaginable pain. I felt as if I would die. My tears fall endlessly. Now, I would gladly give him away to anyone who will have him.

I thought I loved a lot of men or at least felt deeply for them to the point where I didn’t want anyone else to have them.

In the later part of my relationship with Nick, I started resenting his ex-wife. I resented her for having his children. I wanted to have his children. Resented that she used to be his wife.

I had a lot of meaningless hatred going on. I also knew that my anger and resentment of this woman was misplaced.

My anger had nothing to do with her. It was Nick and I. We were falling apart. He was slipping though my fingers. We weren’t strong enough to make it. I knew all this but when I blew up at him, none of these things came out. I sounded like an insane woman asking what the fuck is this? Are you and your ex-wife getting back together? Why can’t you say no to her?

He would look at me as if I had lost my mind. And yes, as sure as the sun shines bright on a cloudless day, I had lost my damn mind. There is a possessive element to love. There's a certain degree of madness and irrationality to love.

Today, I stopped by his house to grab the last of my belongings. His ex-wife was dropping off one of their sons to get something from inside.

I bumped into her in the driveway with a box of clothing in my hand.

“Hello,” I said.

“Hello,” She answered.

“I’m Erotica,”

“I know. I’m Sarah. It’s nice to finally meet you.”

I stood there awkward, not sure what else to say.

“That green looks great with your skin tone,” I finally said.

I was taught that when at a loss for words, compliment. Everyone likes a compliment.

She smiled. “Thank you,”

And as if we’re playing the same damn game, “I didn’t realize that you were so young,”

“Yes,” I said. Lifting my head high and flashing her a big bright smile.

And knowing that there was nothing else left to say, I bid her farewell and walk away.

I realized something...even if Nick got back with her, I wouldn’t care.
It was never her. It was not even him.

Love is fickle.

We get into trouble when we convince ourselves that the one we’re with is the only one for us even if they treat us like crap. What we fail to realize is that we can love over and over and over again. How did we get so brainwashed? I don't know. Whose fairytale are we living in? I don't know that either.

Love is fickle.

Now when a relationship ends, I think back to my ex-husband and the large field of men who came after him. And I know that everything is going to be all right.

Where are all these men now and what do they all have in common?

They all live in the same old house on the hill. All on the same long list of men I used to love.

THE THREESOME

Eric and I were sitting around sipping tea. Staring out the window and listening to classical music. Occasionally his two talking parrots shriek hello and would fly over to sit on his shoulder.

We were discussing the work of Ayn Rand who happens to be one of my favorite author.
The doorbell rang and Eric got up to answer. In walked a woman who Eric introduced as Karina. He told me that he wasn't seeing anyone so I assumed she was just a friend.

Karina is not beautiful in the classical sense…but there was something striking about her. She was dressed in an old pair of men’s jeans that swallowed her petite frame, a white shirt that looked as if it belonged to her boyfriend, and an old pair of converse. But the way her black hair settled about her shoulders, the way her lips pout, the way she sat…was so feminine I couldn’t help watching her.

Eric sat back down and we continued talking about Ayn Rand. Karina listened but showed no interest in the conversation. After a while, she went over to sit on his lap and started kissing him. He kept talking about Ayn Rand all through her kisses.

I got up to leave. Karina had taken off her shirt and was stepping out of her man pants. I stare at her tits. A mere mouthful but with thick luscious nipples.

“You don’t have to leave,” Eric said. We are going to have “the sex” would you like to join us?

I stare at him. “What? No,"

"Why not? Have you ever had a threesome?"

"No. But..."

"Then why not?" he said.

I just stood there.

Karina had fallen to her knees wearing only an itsy bitsy white thong and was unzipping his pants.

Her ass is small but lovely and I stare at her thinking this is fucking hot. I wanted to get the hell out of there but find myself unable to leave.

“He’s not my boyfriend,“ Karina said. “We just have sex. If you don’t want to join us, you can just watch,”

I stare at both of them staring back at me. And instead of hightailing it out of there, I sat down with my legs crossed tight to ease the throbbing between my legs.

She took Eric’s cock in her mouth. Watching me as she sucked it slowly. I didn’t care about Eric’s cock. It was her lips…that made me ache. The look in the eyes that made me tremble. They kept inviting me to join them, and damn, I was tempted. Tempted like I’ve never been before or since to indulge in this sinful treat. I wanted to touch and taste too…Karina.

Eric ate Karina’s pussy and then fuck her right in front of me. The sight of his cock abusing her little pussy made me want to suck her screams for her lips. I watch. Transfixed. Torn between temptation and surrender. Her moans, the way she writhe beneath him, her small hands clutching his ass, the way she begged and begged for more as she watched me watching her…was pure torture.

I got up and left.

“Is there a sexual experience you regret having or not having?” That‘s the question Alan asked me today.

That day with Eric and Karina came to mind. I don't know if I regret not joining them. I’ve always thought of it as the threesome I never had. But I did have front row seat.